Politically Wrong: VP Kaine Says Too Much

****THIS IS A SATIRE****

By now, it’s old news. Tim Kaine is the running mate for Hillary Clinton. Which makes sense, if you think about it. We all know that Hillary likes to be in authority over men. I’m not gonna be the one that comes out and says that’s probably why Bill did some late night office work at the White House, but it could be.

Not a lot of people know who Tim Kaine is. I mean do you? I hadn’t heard of him when Hillary announced it, but I’ve been doing some digging. I’ve been trying to figure out just what makes this man tick. We should always be a little cautious when Hillary says she is putting her faith in someone.

So we hopped on a little plane, that had terrible in-flight meals and went to see him in Washington. We sat him down and asked him who he is, what he wants to do in the White House (although we all know the Vice President does nothing), and what he thinks of Hillary.

WONG: Mr. Kaine it is wonderful to finally meet you.

KAINE: The pleasure is all mine, I assure you.

(First off, I know that the way he talks sounds like he is a southern gentleman, especially if you read it in an accent, but trust me he isn’t.)

WONG: So, you have made it to the political high ground of your career. How do you feel? Is this what you always wanted? Did you imagine yourself, one day in the White House?

KAINE: Well, to be honest with you, I never really looked to the future, you know? I always said I got into politics because I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to right the wrongs, so to speak, that I saw in the country.

WONG: …Come on it must feel pretty good?

KAINE: Okay, I have to admit, sitting down and talking with….Hillary is pretty….exciting.

WONG: You seemed to hesitate there for a moment…what can you tell us about working with Hillary?

KAINE: Oh Hillary is great. She is the best. Long live Queen Hillary

(Just in case you can’t tell in the transcript, Kaine became very agitated over the subject of Hillary. He began to sweat and couldn’t seem to focus. He looked like an abuse victim.)

WONG: Tim…may I call you Tim?

KAINE: I don’t see why not.

WONG: What’s going on? Obviously, something is on your mind. Tell us about Hillary.

KAINE: Can it be off the record?

WONG: The people deserve to know…

KAINE: Okay… Well. She’s not who she says she is.

WONG: What do you mean?

KAINE: She’s got some plans for the world that you won’t believe. 

WONG: Why are you working with her then?

KAINE: You don’t understand…I’m in too deep. You don’t just stop working for Hillary, you get…excommunicated.

WONG: What does that mean?

KAINE: You’ve heard the rumors about Hillary’s dead pool?

WONG: Of course…

KAINE: They aren’t rumors. She is ruthless. Underneath her political surface sits a boiling rage that is waiting to burst out and consume whoever is near her. I’ve seen her do terrible things. She doesn’t want to guide the country into a state of safety and security, she wants to rule it. She sees herself as the Queen of England… she will let nothing get in her way.

WONG: Go on it’s okay.

KAINE: She has made me “pay visits” to old employees, she has made me doctor bills that she preaches to the media one way but in reality are in complete opposition. She is out of control…

Tim Kaine would not have continue telling us about Hillary. Apparently, he had already said too much and was afraid that if the information got out Hillary would come after him. We offered to put him into witness protection but he said that Hillary monitors when he arrives and leaves for work.

Apparently, there are things going on with the Hillary campaign that she doesn’t want to get out. We need to get to the bottom of this. Hillary must be stopped.

For more on Hillary’s “Deadpool” click here!

Parker Wong (born October 28th, 1983) is an American conservative political commentator. Has been and continues to be a part of many political organizations such as ACLU, Lions Club International, NRA, CSAmerica, as well as many others. Has been known to rally and advocate for and against LLCR, PRA, Grassroots Leadership, as well as many others. His brash tactics and straightforward temperament makes him well known in the political field. He now has turned to the internet to spread his views on politics and the way that America used to be, and should be.