***THIS IS A SATIRE***
S’up my dawgs! It’s been awhile since we’ve laid it down but I’ve been busy. I just got the new LEGO Star Wars: The Force Awakens for PlayStation 4, I got it pre-ordered, and these levels are hard. I do have to say, even LEGO Princess Leia is a hottie with a naughty body. Michelle’s starting to get jealous about how much I talk about her, but I think she’s still mad about the whole Mandela funeral thing. What can I say? When you’ve got a good selfie moment, you gotta take it.
So yesterday, I went to Elkhart, Indiana, have you been there? They have bearded people in all black riding in horse and buggies. I mean these people are out there, every time I went to give ’em a pound – they shook my fist… Anyway, I was talking at this rally there and I guess I said something that hurt these old haters feelings, and now they’re trying to keep a homie down. You know what they say, “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.” I don’t even remember what I said. I don’t write my speeches, some overweight white guy named Timmy does.
Yet now, all these old dudes who are part of The Veterans Of Foreign Wars, whatever that means, are now frontin’ on your boy.
So, they took me to Indiana to talk about the economy. Which is a big waste of time. Look I’m gonna be out of this Oval Office in like 200 days or something, can’t a homie just finish out his career in peace, haven’t I done enough already? Anyway, I talked about how free loaders are living off of welfare and how those old school patriots are believing those dumb Republicans that big government is bad… Then they get all mad.
Whatever, I signed some babies, I waved my hand, and I jumped on my private jet and got out of there. You know Three 6 Mafia is right it is, “hard out here for a pimp,” but someone’s gotta do it.
Anyway, I gotta go, Michelle just made some Pizza Bagel Bites and I’m about to get to the final battle with Kylo Ren.
Your Boy B!