****THIS IS A SATIRE****
Wazzup my G-Units! I know my Press Secretary J-Bird wants me to talk about this shooting in Orlando and stuff so…yeah, crazy right? People dying and stuff…not good. I gotta spit some truths, though. In the hood, that’s how we live. Ya know? I remember pledging to the Crips when I was just a little playa’ tryin’ to make it. Doing drive-by’s, sellin’ dope, you know…just straight ballin’. By the way, I still sell a little grass on the side, so if anyone is interested hit a brotha’ up.
Anyway, enough about all that, back to me. Guess where I’m taking the fam this weekend? Yosemite! I know Michelle is super excited, she can’t wait to cook around the campfire and stuff. Ya know…wifey things. I’m messing with you homies, our chef Roberto is coming with us. I’d rather be caught sending those checks to the Jihadists each month than eat anything my wife cooks. She tried to bake a cake, we were celebrating the anniversary of 9/11 last year, and she burnt it. It was kinda funny because it came out looking like an actual burning tower, so we had a laugh, but still.
Anyway, my dawgs, I gotta go. My daughter wants me to teach her how to make a shiv out of tree branches, gotta go do the father daughter thing.
It’s been real.
Your Boy B!
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